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insanity

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 00:15:33 GMT

Okay so Saturday was ridiculous. Those of you who were there know what im talking about.
Alcohol=drama,anger,and in some cases insanity.

Im glad i dont drink anymore. It just stopped being fun after a certain point.

Things are going well with Chris, but things are not going so well at home. My parents gave me the boot and im staying at my sisters until further notice.

It sucks to not have a home.

I hate my parents. I wish they would drive thier car off of a cliff sometimes.

No, i dont think that was harsh at all.

Go fuck yerselves.

My Space ruined my life

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 13:30:12 GMT

Haha! it sure did ruin my life. I have to be like, the only person alive who doesnt have a my space account, and for that matter, im the only person alive who hates it.

Random thoughts are a good time.

I am now sitting in the library at school, happily skipping class. I should be researching for my paper, but ah, whatcha gonna do? Its almost done and i have plenty of time to do it. Design II is a huge bummer. That is what class i am skipping right now...3 hours of drawing the same thing OVER and OVER again. Kinda makes me wanna pull my hair out, but really, what doesnt make me want to pull my hair out nowadays?

Ill tell you what really does: football. If i have to hear the name JP Losman one more time ill...

well i dunno what ill do.

I feel really bad cuz i really freaked out on Chris yesterday and i felt super bad about an hour afterward. He came over to watch the game with my dad (which was adorable by the way) and then he left to play football! I was pretty upset, but didnt even have a right to. I mean i stayed over night at his house so why not just let him have his Sunday to himself?

So i called him around like 10:30 cuz there was a really big thunder that scared me and i was like. Listen, you have loved the bills longer than youve even known me, and its not fair that i try to replace them. I mean, if they mean that much to you, and if football means that much to you,then ill just have to get used to it.

Im sure i will. I mean he said it himself, itll prevent alot of fighting, cuz thats all we fight about anymore. His love for the Bills. I love things too, just not enough to have it rank above everyone else.

Things seem to be okay. Im feeling okay, which is rare. When everything starts looking up, then im nicer, and happier, and thats good for everyone else.

back to school...

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 23:58:22 GMT

Well its about that time of year again, time to go back to school and see all the people u didnt see all summer. Its kind of nice to be in that environment again...sittin in F lobby with all the art freaks and theatre geeks, chain smoking and watchin the boys play hacky sack. Ah its a relief.

things are going really well with Chris. I want to start callning him Chris cuz i dont feel right calling my boyfriend by his last name. i absolutley adore him and i really think that we will br together for a while. Im not being naive or anything, i just really think that. He said we "connect on a different level."

Tomorrow is my sisters party and im really pumped for it. Its gonna be me Britt Chris and Rob. Im excited.

Everyone loves my sister.

smiles

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 17:23:26 GMT

Im in an unusually good mood today.

I want to go somewhere really pretty and take pictures. Ive been taking lots of pictures of buildings and parks and things, and theyve been coming out really nice. I think i enjoy photography more than i enjoy painting. uh oh.

School starts in 2, count em, 2 days! im really really excited to go back. there are alot of people that i miss a whole lot like, Kinsella, and Carissa, and JOSH! oh and not to mention Chris Lickers. It'll be nice to just chill in the F lobby with all the art freaks and theatre geeks again. i miss that alot. My parents are putting my on house arrest until my grades come in. I hate them sometimes. IM 20 YEARS OLD! if i want to stay out til all hours of the night and go to school the next day that entirely up to me.

The only thing im not looking forward to is seeing Irene.

ughhhh

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 21:54:56 GMT

OMG i want the boys to stop playing football so that we can go to my house to watch the VMA's. People dont understand how serious i am about that. Time literally stops when the VMA's are on and its the one thing i like about the end of summer. If Kanye West doesnt win an award for "Jesus Walks" ill seriously kill myself. WHAT A GOOD SONG!

Ugh, footcball is seriously so stupid.

I was taken out on a real date last nite. Thanks Turn Man.

Im waiting one more hour for football to be done and then fuck it. Ill watch the awards by myself

A pro of the day: i got a super cute shirt at Old Navy for $5!!! Britt got 3 shirts for $12!!! kick ass!

sometimes you need to freak out to feel better

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 16:38:56 GMT

i dont have anything to say today. Im staying in tonight cuz i need time to think and to just be by myself. Im going to turn my phone off and just chill.

I absolutely hate babysitting and i never want to do it again.

"and if i could be who you wanted. If i could be who you wanted. All the time. All the time..."

so maybe my life isnt fight club...

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 17:28:09 GMT

So yea. Im at The House of Bauza at the moment. They are watching days of our lives. Ive never watched it cuz im usually watching All My Children at 1. I love that show. Its cheesy but i love it.

I dont really have much to say. My arm hurts. Im tired, and my stomache hurts. I feel like im falling apart. Ive felt completely miserable for the last week or so. I wish i could figure out why. I set up an appointment with my doctor for wednesday. thats the first step i suppose.

Britt Rob and Turner came over yesterday and we had super fun art times. Being messy with charcoal is more fun that you could imagine. or maybe you could imagine. whatever. i love it. Britt made the cutest painting for Rob. It kinda mde me cry a lil bit. Theyre so happy and im so happy for them. I just wish SOME people named Chris fucking Hergott wouldnt try to fuck it up. I cant wait til he leaves. On that note, i wish Ted was leaving. He fucking fucks everything up. All he wants to do is get high and its so annoying. Everything is wonderful until he shows up and then everyone is in a foul mood. Hes being an asshole then everyone magically becomes an asshole. And another thing, i hate how he feels the need to just invite himself EVERYWHERE. If we wanted u somewhere wed invite you. ugh, how rude. He needs to realize that no one really likes him and that hes just annoying and pissing everyone off when hes around. We need to just tell him not to come around anymore cuz we dont want him there. By there i mean the Bauzas. He and I used to be pretty close but now hes just an asshole to me, even when im just sitting there. Hell tell me not to look at him and then yell at me. He can say hes joking all he wants but i know he's not. Soon hes gonna be into different harder drugs cuz he hangs out with Tony all the time and thats just something that i DONT want to be a part of.

I know alot of other people agree with me on this too. Ugh, im annoyed. Im glad i have people that agree with me on this cuz i wouldnt want to be by myself on this issue.

yea, thats enough cuz Bridget thingks that this is too long as it is. Thats funny, im funny.

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 17:07:37 GMT

Marla Singer: Ok.You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?

Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship Turner?

Driver -to the Smithsonian!

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 03:45:13 GMT

Oh this is my car...even better!

I love American Dad and i dont care what anyone else has to say about it.

Im serious about starting a magazine with Bridget and Britt. We all have really good talents, that when combined could turn into something awesome. Don Luce was in the office today and i asked him if he'd wanna sponser us or take out an ad in our mag and he told me that if i could show him something, like a rough copy of the first issue, hed give us some money to get us on our feet. That just prompts me even more to do this cuz it seems like it could be completely possible.

That would be so kick ass. First i need to get Adobe Photoshop....gotta get back in touch with Mr. Root!!! (i love him)

Im watching the Golden Girls with Brittany right now. I havent watched that in so long. Im not even sure if i like it that much. meh.

This weekend im going to Toronto with Bridget Britt Matt Kate and Rob. It should be really fun. Im just looking forward to SHOPPING on Young St!!!! Hit up the 2 floor aldo and urban outfitters. and DEFINITLEY Sephora! The hightlight of the weekend will probably be ordering a cosmopolitan with my lunch/dinner. I love being able to do that. I did it when i went to see Morrissey and it was so awesome to be in a restaurant and realize that i can have a drink with my meal.

Good thing i get paid on Friday. I have 16 dollars to my name for the next 4 days. Looks like im not doing anything til then. I need all the money i can get for gas. Its so terrible. My last paycheck was shit.

Anyways-blind date is on and id much rather be watching that cuz its hilarious.

thank you and goodnight.

That was a great famine...

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 17:57:20 GMT

Hey.

Yes, i realize its been a while, but not too many people read this thing, and the people who do read it i see everyday.

Yesterday i went with Bridget to her driving class she had to take from the ticket she got. I totally owed her from my party and i think that was pretty good payback. We were doodling up a storm but not disrupting the class and the instructor fucking took my drawings and threatened to send them to the court and get Bridget in trouble. What a bitch.

I tell you tho...it was sooooo hard to get up yestrday, especially since none of went to bed until like 3:30.

Then i came home, took a nap for once in my life and saw my uncle pat who i only see once a year! It was really nice to see him. If theres one uncle that i love more than anything, it would be him. The one i never ever get to see. Thats really a shame cuz id love to see him more often but hes got a job and a house in Mass. He lives about 30 min from Fenway.

THEN i went to higher grounds with Bridget. It was nice to return there and Chris gave us advice on Scott, AND they gave me a free drink for my Bday. I love it there. It really is the best to go somewhere where everybody knows your name...hehe

Chealsea Englemen had a grad party that i went to last nite, and a ton of people showed up. Kenny was fucking high on Oxy Contin and he puked everywhere. Turner flipped a shit like he always does. Chelsea and Amanda Stranahan were drinking from 3pm to 3 am. drinking southern comfort....and were trashed beyond belief. Sometimes its funnier to be the only sober person. Maybe i should do that more often.

Well....all i have to say is thank god for the people who smack me into line. Im sure u know who you are. Otherwise id be straying all over the place.

love you. hugs and kisses to the world.

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 02:00:41 GMT

GO RED SOX!!!!!

My heart is in Ohio

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 17:18:27 GMT

Yesterday was seriously one of the best days ive had all summer.

Me Bridget and Britt just got up and went to Cleveland. Everything went pretty smooth. Usually when any of us get in a car together all hell breaks loose, but this time was different. Sure, we got a little lost on the way there, but we found it just fine-and without any speeding tix, there or back. And on top of that, we had a few Alanis sing-alongs.

When we got to Cleveland, we ate at this place called hornblowers. Its like a ship that they turned into a restaurant. i got creme brulee for desert and it was soooo good!! The waiter loved us. HE told us we were "eye-candy for the customers" and when we were leaving he showed us some huge fish. It was real cool. Then we looked around the Rock and Roll hall of fame, and when in the gift shop but didnt actually go IN cuz it was like, 20 bucks a person to get in. Thats appalling. They did have the huge Weezer symbol from the Beverly Hills video in the lobby. That was exciting.

Then we we went to the Tower City Mall. Its huge. I got a $50 dress for $10 from Abercrombie. I love finding deals like that. Then we went into MAC where bridget and britt got some Makeup and the girl there told us we all have big boobs, which was crazy. People in Cleveland are so open about things. Example: Bridget: Im not just gonna go underwater and like, check it out. (tonys penis)
Waiter: Well now THATS your problem!

HAHAHA! ME: Once something is soggy i just cant touch it anymore, that goes for penis too!

I want to go road tripping again sometime soon. Maybe to Toronto so Bridget and I can get a drink with our lunch. That would be sweet. Either way, i want to get outta Buffalo more often.

karma police, arrest this man...

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 16:40:50 GMT

he talks in maths,He buzzes like a fridge, hes like a detuned radio....

OMG i love Radiohead!

Anyways. I had people over at my house last nite, and it was alot better than i thought it would be. I just wish my dad would calm down so that we could at least have a lil more fun. I hate the fact that hes so uptight all of the time. It makes me feel like people dont want to be over at my house cuz no matter what one of is doing something wrong. "put a coaster down", "dont slam the door", "careful on the chair, dont squish the cushion" Its really actually pathetic that it has to be that way. One day im just gonna wreck everything, just to prove to my dad that i DONT care. Theyre just belongings.

We did manage to eat 180 pizza rolls tho.

Sally, my brother in law's mom-is in the hospital. She only has 10% kidney function, and if her kidney shuts down, shes going to die. Im going into work early tho so that steph can go see her. I think i should probably do the same. im really worried.

i want to cry my eyes out but nothing will come out. Ive cried every last tear i had on stupid shit. THAT makes me feel like the biggest tool on the planet, even bigger than blake maras.

Speaking of which, Aaron keeps calling me from New Orleans, and i keep ignoring him. I dont know why. I guess i just dont want to think about him right now, cuz for once in my life im doing what i want without him being in the back of my mind all the time. Minus the whole trying to figure out Turner thing, im pretty happy right now.

i trust i can rely on your vote.

You dont know how it feels to be me...

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 03:57:48 GMT

Interesting few days.

The other day i went to canada. Just me Bridget and Nathan and it was fucking sweet. I bought Bridget her first shot of tequila, legally. we were at boston pizza and we started talking to these guys, the one was Joe and the other was Ted. and they were super nice. So we all did a shot together and then we headed to pizza pizza and i went to say bye to Joe and he hugged me and outta no where he grabs me and starts makin out with me. wierd. It was so embaressing cuz Bridget and Nathan were crackin up.

then we went to The Sundowner. which i now have a membership to!! Nathan and i were gonna get a lap dance together but the stripper wouldnt do it. Damn! maybe next time. Bridget was like, im strangely comfortable here. we were so trashed. I was bein so obnoxious. i was like TAKE OFF YER TOP! I WANNA SEE YER BOOBIES! all girls are a little bit bisexual. lol.

Last nite was Robs grad party which = awesome. i didnt drink much at all tho. Neil definitley hopped over the fire naked, and teds uncle definitley talked to me bout how he loves eating girls out for like, a half hour, and i definitely dont like Nikki Paul-at all. (that rhymed. yo i got mad skills)

pity parties are bullshit. Finally standing up for yourself after all these years is awesome.

lets go back to the start

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 19:36:44 GMT

Bridget is so fucking hilarious: "and then i realized that he couldnt do it." HAHAHAHAHAHA. Wow, i really needed to hear something that funny cuz its really been a while. Well, not so much. Ted said something pretty funny the other nite too: "I love it when it a girl just says yer name like, Tedddiiieee."

Its about someone wrote a song about hazel eyes. You go Kelly Clarkson.

Sigh, i think i agree with Bridget with the whole toning things down a bit. I get with my friends, usually at Bauza Bauza and drink with our entire group of friends. Thats alot of people. Dont get me wrong, it always turns out being like the best time ever. But all ive been doing is drinking, smoking, talking about sex and dancing my ass off. Ok, its not so much a bad thing, but maybe its time to take a break from living the life of a rock star.

Britt threw an egg in the street today cuz she was pissed. I wish i could be that free and just throw shit when im mad, but im too afraid of making too much noise at my house. Thats no way to be. Fuck that. Next time someone makes me mad...im throwing everything. I used to break shit all the time like bottles and stuff. I would just throw em at my door, but unfortunatley i dont have a door anymore. And really, i dont wanna clean up the mess at all. Ha, i think too much about things before i do them, but only in certain senses. In other senses i dont think a half a second before i do some things.

Ya know what? Screw toning it down. Im having fun and im happy doing what im doing, so long live the partying!!! wooo!!

Canada tonite anyone? Im certainly gonna go either way. I wanna be there when Bridget and Britt have their first legal drink in Canada!

They have my bday present and im DYING to know what it is. ONE MORE WEEK THEN IM 20!!

Kate called me last nite and told me who stole my phone, but wouldnt tell me who told her. I dont care, as long as i know WHO it was who took it. It was the bastard Carl, who also took Mama Bauzas camera, AND is going to jail for possesion of stolen fire arms. AND has a daughter on the way. What a winner. NOT.

im tired and i think that i may want to take a nap now. See ya bitches!

Enough is enough

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 16:35:31 GMT

Im eliminating everything/everyone that makes me unhappy. This would include:

01. Irene (obviously)
02. Kenny Reinhard (whom i will never forgive)
03. Anyone that has the balls to hurt any of my friends
04. Anyone who has the balls to hurt ME
05. Devo
06. People who dont like Novemeber Rain (that goes out to Britt)
07. Any kind of bad industrial music
08. Jeff Goldblum movies/tv shows/ anything that hes in.
09. People talking about football for way longer than nessesary.
10. thinking about things that just dont need to be thought about anymore

Thanks to my friends who assured me last night that it is going to be okay, and that i am loved. Sometimes ya just need to hear it.

It was my turn to be in a bad mood last night thats all. I mean i never ever do that. I listen and help everyone and it was my turn to be listened to.

You know what would make me incredibly happy right now? watching Stella and eating Mighty Taco. For some reason i can not get enough mighty taco lately. Its the summer, i know it is. I only eat tons of Mighty in the summer.

I decided with a lil help from my friends that i am going to just do whatever the fuck i want as long as it makes me happy. Yes thats right, im going to do things for ME, as opposed to keeping everyone else in the world happy. I just dont have enough time for me, and thats not good. Dont get me wrong, if anyone ever has a problem with anything and u need to talk to somebody i will always always be here. I can put my own problems on hold to help out the people i love. But from now on all i want to do is do things for me. I know that no one is going to get mad at me or anything crazy like that, i just think its a problem of not knowing how to take care of myself and making myself happy.

For i while i felt like no matter what i did i was immediatley a slut. I couldnt talk to a guy without getting looks or something. I mean i feel like all i can do is sit there and not say a word to anyone. Im slowly starting to not feel like anymore, but once you feel a certain way about something, its hard to just erase it in a day.

From now on, its nothing but living life to the fullest and doing what i want as long as itll make me happy. And another thing, no more of this Mrs. Nice Girl bullshit. Im sick of people manhandling me, and stepping all over me cuz they know i wont do anything back. It ends now. U piss me off, u WILL see the mean side of me. And this is not a joke so dont take it like that. Im gonna make some serious changes in my life and i know that there will always be three people there to help me whenever i need it, and you know who you are. love you guys.

well that was quite long and i think its time to wrap this bad boy up. thank you and goodnight.

enough of the fucking live drama

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 17:03:47 GMT

First and foremost...Irene-i know i was harsh but where do u get off calling me a crazy bitch?

Anyways...

I dont know if ive talked about Bauzas party yet, but im going to anyways. It was so freaking awesome. I mean seriously, parties like that dont happen often and it was a really good time. The only thing that pissed me off is that i only got ONE of the yeunglings that I paid for. Sheesh, people have no respect. In the morning we all woke up and there were cigarette butts and beer cand and bottles all over the neighbors front yard. I can only imagine what they are thinking. They prolly wanted to get in on the bauza party action. wooo!

Last nite was equally as fun. Me and Bridget went on a date to see the fireworks and i bought her a sno cone. I also tried to win her a fish but i suck. oh well its the thought that counts. The fireworks were so pretty, i like the ones that sparkle for a while. Rob is so sweet he bought me and bridget these colored roses that light up, i got pink, bridgie got orange (of course). I wish that Britt came with us but she was watchin the Sox game which is totally understandable, and they lost. sigh.

to that stupid bastard at town park....THE RED SOX DO NOT SUCK. ugh what a SKEEZ that guy was.

I saw Jen Wiepert last nite!!!!! it was sooo good to see her and she was genuinely excited to see me. I think im gonna give her a call tomorrow, see whats up. I would like to hang out with her sometime. i swear to God her and Jeff better get engaged soon.

After the fireworks we all head over to the bauzas house. Matt and Kate came, and they had beer. Turner got drunk, opened up to me and told me everything that he possibly could have, and that means alot to me. I mean sure he was drunk but he still talked and thats really cool.

Ted was upset cuz he specifically told Rob to back up off of someone and he didnt. But i mean Rob is his own person and he can do what he wants.

Kate is so cute, she brought oven pizza over again. I didnt eat any cuz i felt sick, but still, thoughtful.

And last but not least this is for bridget: HERES TO LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!!!!! cheers, darlin!

and even if her plane crashes tonite...

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 16:02:20 GMT

So the other day i got a text from Irene saying : "and when i say lets keep in touch, i really mean i hope that you grow up" (from Brand New) and i was fucking pissed. She called me other day cuz she was home alone and her foot hurt cuz she dropped a piece of plywood on it and she wanted me to come visit her. I dont speak to the girl for months and she thinks that one phone call is going to make everything okay again? NO.
So i told her id call her when i was done with the shit that i had to do. I didnt end up calling her cuz i was having a good time doing what i was doing. Okay i know thats shitty that i didnt call, but honestly i dont really want to see her, shes not the same anymore and she cares more about Brian, Lindsey and Shannon than anything else. So no, i dont really wanna hang out with them and just get pushed aside. Sorry.
I wish i woulda came up with something crafty to text back but i didnt really want to start another war. She was really sweet and nice in the beginning but towards the end i just couldnt take her anymore. Which is prolly why i changed in the first place, but i changed for the better so fuck that.

And another thing, i know this shouldnt bother me but it does. Rich came home two days ago from tour and he didnt call me. I kind of expected that actually, but what i didnt expect is that he and Kelly are back together. God damn it. I know its a stupid reason to get upset but im intitled to be upset for at least an hour.

ahhh, get back in the game Adrienne. Damn it. Tomorrow is Brudget and Britt's Bday party and it will be the PIMP SHIT. So you all better be there. Yuengling....mmmmmm...

bitch, please

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 21:45:15 GMT

So, im at the Bauza's right now, and its a really good time. I love swimming over here. the pool water is like bath water. Sweet!

So the other night on i think it was Monday, a whole bunch of people were over. I mean, alot. And me Bridget, Tony, Neil and Ted all went skinny dipping. I loved it, id totally do it again. It was really liberating.

Yeah so after i left Turner and Matt got into this huge argument about like politics or something. I dunno either way its stupid for them to be fighting over something like that.

Yeah i totally waxed my legs today and surprisingly it didnt hurt as much as i thought it would. Me and Britt were so scared to do it. Wouldnt you? Gosh.

Yeah i suppose i dont really have much to say and Ted is looking over my shoulder right now, Jerk. Haha totally just kidding. Aw i think i mad him sad.

Until next time, Listen to Interpol, youll be a better person for it.

Bridget got what she wanted...a spontaneous night

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 15:32:26 GMT

Boy oh boy was last nite fun. All these ridiculous things kept happening to us. We wanted a spontaneous nite and we sure got it.

It started off going to 24 hour wal-mart, which, who needs a 24 hour wal-mart?? (besides us. Anyways...we got party favors, and food and maragarita mix for bauzas party. (which is gonnna be freakin sweet). We decided to make goodie bags.

So we walk out of wal-mart and theres this HUGE suv truck with the biggest monster truck tires i have ever seen, like, we were in scotts escape and we prolly could have driven underneath this truck if we wanted to. So we followed him, and he totally knew it too. he was this creepy lookin dude with glasses. We wanted to see if he lives at the KKK house, but alas, he didnt.

then this guy called and told us that he was a black minister and that scott needs to be saved cuz hes gay. Hes like, im this boys wake up call. Its adam and eve, not adam and adam. It was soooo wierd, so then scott gets on the phone as Ms. Anita Bona (his drag name). I love it.

Then we started throwing lunchables meat out the window and i tossed it out and it stuck to this guys car, hilarious. and kinda gross.

wow good night, good night. I love hangin out with Kate Scott Bridget and Britt (all together)its a non stop powerhouse of fun.

I FUCKING LOVE MICHAEL IAN BLACK!!!!!!

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 16:05:18 GMT

new icon again people.this time its Michael Ian Black cuz hes just so fucking sexy.

Anyways. Bridget and Britt are home now. Couldnt be happier. I missed them ALOT.

I think we are all going to Canada tonite, and when i say "we" i mean, Me, Kate, Bridget, Matt, Neil, and possibly Nathan. Last time i went it was so much fun. As much as going out and it raining sucks, i hope it rains again.

I had a really nice time with Pete and Chris last nite, we went to higher grounds and had some coffee and cigarettes, then we aimlessly drove around town and talked, bout everything. As cheesy as this sounds, after last nite, i feel closer to both of them and i love feeling like that.

Its kinda like that time that Kate let everything out and we had that real nice talk, i felt closer to her, and to bridget and britt. But then again, me and the bauzas have deep talks all the time so i dont think i could possibly get/feel closer to them,lol j/k.

oh, so i saw my doc last nite and he told me to stay away from, caffiene, alcohol, and cigarettes, and i was like, pssh, see ya later. thats like my whole life, hahaha.

MAN, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY FRIENDS!!! I ABSOLUTLEY LOVE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!! thanks guys.

and once again, i love michael ian black. Make no mistake about it.

holy fucking shit

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 16:55:24 GMT

i found out a bunch of shit that i did not need to know last nite.

it makes me wonder, what the fuck happened to all the people that i used to know so well? Theyre going nowhere with their lives and its pathetic. This ones going on 3 day ecstasy binges, that ones blowing coke, this one tried to kill themselves with robotussin, that one wants to be high ALL the time.

its basically drugs that are destroying everyones lives. I mean i smoke pot like 2-4 times a year, if that, and everytime i do i hate the way it makes me feel and like Kate said its just a reminder of how stupid it is.

i kinda pride myself on being one of the few who graduated with that class and turned out okay.

anyways..

i know that im self absorbed but most of the time i dont realize that im doing it, and then i feel all guilty when i realize it. But honestly, id rather you tell me im doing it instead of letting mr continue to talk bout myself and sound all well, self absorbed. I love my friends and when they are talking to me about their problems i feel like maybe if i tell them that i know how they feel itll make them feel better...but most of the time it just makes them feel worse, and im sorry for doing that. You know i love you guys and im only trying to help but im sorry for sometimes making it worse.

man i typed that without even thinking about what i was typing, sorry if its a lil all over the place.

You fucking kill me

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 04:11:46 GMT

So after having a really eye opening talk with Kate i decided a few things.

She told me that i shouldn't ever feel bad bout anything i do with other guys when it comes to aaron. I mean yeah i slept with Tim, but Aaron and I are NOT together, i dont have any loyalties to him. She said that if anything he should feel bad for not telling me what he wants cuz hes hurting me.

the kid fucking kills me. Everyday he breaks my heart. I cant play this game anymore, ive been doing it for way too long and i think ive finally had enough.

Aaron doesnt want to date me, but he doesnt want anyone else to date me either. I mean hes preventing me from going out there and meeting new people, and even if i did by chance meet a guy i couldnt do anything about it cuz theres Aaron to think about. My problem is that i have a group of friends that i hang out with and thats it. I loveeeeeeeeee them to death dont get me wrong but i would feel kinda akward dating any of them. im stuck where i am. Im stuck and i cant get out of this place. I mean i adore Aaron, i love him to death but theres gotta be a time where i just let go and i cant face that. I cant let things go.

i cant do this anymore. Im hurting and i dont want to feel like this anymore. Even if aaron and i dont date i still wanna be bestest friends with him.

i think that i should just tell him that im gonna give him 24 hours to decide what the fuck he wants, otherwise im done with this.

with my hands around your throat, who will stop me now??

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 00:17:38 GMT

Hey...

Im waitin for the Bauzai to come and get me. Man, i hope that nickname catches on. we are going to see the sisterhood of the traveling pants, and i know that i am gonna bawl my eyes out. I can feel it.

Anyway, they should be here soon so i should prolly go.

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 16:55:20 GMT

for as ridiculous as last night was....im glad that it happened.

Random things that happened yesterday:

1. Scrapbooking for 5 hours

2. Rich called me from Vermont

3. "Beware of Dawg" sign is gone!

4. Driving to Elmwood to take pictures of everything.

5. Seeing Tom Utegh on Elmwood.

6. Jessica Maslowski!?

7. Kenny WASNT the one that called me the other nite.

Yeah so more about the Rich thing. Me and "the Bauzai" were scrapbooking yesterday and i was looking at all of my pictures and i came across a picture of Rich, and i got kinda sad for a minute, and my phone rang and it was him. He wanted to tell me that he spent the night in Maine and he thought about me. Im not taking back what i said a few entries back, but, you have to admit that it was nice of him to do that. Gosh, i do miss him though.

Elmwood was awesome. We took pics of everything, and i think that theyre all gonna turn out awesome. boy we are sexy!

Then we all went to Aaron's house, Me, britt, bridget, teddie, and scott. We cracked open a few beers and chilled in his backyard, and britt decided to have her heart to heart with Aaron right there. Im glad it happened, were ALL glad it happened cuz it was all stuff that just needed to be said. And now everyone is cool with everyone and i love it. It got really intense though. Things were intense for the longest time and when it was me, aaron, bridget, and britt i was always scared that something was gonna come out and it was just a big ball of anxiety allll the time, and now we dont have to worry about it anymore. Its a good feeling.

Britt and i also had our own heart to heart. She was always rooting for me and aaron, but she was just looking out for me cuz she feels its her jod to be my protector. She doesnt want me to end up where i was before and now that i know that i understand. I told her that she just has to tell me things otherwise i wont know where shes coming from, and i wont understand. We are definitely going to work on our communication with eachother. i love Brittany with all of my heart and im glad that she took the time to explain this stuff to me.

I feel so priviledged to have the best friends ever: Brigdet, Brittany, Kate, and Casey

"you guys are my best friends, youre my best friends....i love you guys" -Cartman. Haha Britt.

Funny Stuff:

If i marry Chris Lickers, im naming our kid Richard, so his name will be Dick Lickers!"

well, im glad Teddie got a kick out of last nite, hes never seen anything like that before, and i was like, oh, hunny, welcome to my life...